Woman's Best Friend, Part I: The Beginning

It's no secret that I'm totally crazy about my dog, Sushi. Her full name is Sushi Louise Wasabi and she is a 90 lb Yellow Labrador Retriever. On December 15, she will be six years old- the equivalent to 42 in dog years (whatever the hell they are?!). I also will be 42 this December, so for a year we will be the same age. Twinsies. I keep telling her we will have a girls day out and get our nails done and have lunch together. She just gives me that same look she always does when I talk incessantly to her.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on her, she was only 6 weeks old and so incredibly cute I could barely stand it. I wanted to take her right then but had to wait at least two more weeks. I loved her from the moment I saw her.

The events leading me to getting her in the first place are not very pleasant. I was nearing the end of my active addiction to alcohol, so my drinking was far out of control. I was also living with a certified crazy person who was abusive. We'll leave it at that, for now. The crazy person physically hurt me one night and the next day, as an apology, told me he was going to get me a puppy. It was so cliche that I almost laughed out loud: man hits woman, man feels bad and says it will never happen again, man buys woman a gift. A Lifetime movie in the works, let me tell you.

Me and Sushi-girl in early 2007 at Aunt Carol's house.

So the two weeks passed and on a Sunday afternoon in February of 2007 I picked up my girl. She was  perfect and beautiful and the thought struck me: I can barely take care of myself right now, how am I going to take care of this helpless puppy? The answer is, I did. I did what I was supposed to do and took her to the vet, played with her, loved her and even taught her how to go to the bathroom outside. She was a quick learner and a fun girl who followed me everywhere and looked at me with adoring eyes. I had to shift my priorities to accommodate my dog. I could no longer stay out late or not come home at all- I had to take care of my Sushi-girl. Regardless of my condition, I needed to be there for her and I was.

A few months  after I got her, the crazy person and I got into yet another altercation and I decided to leave that situation for good. The events that followed lead to my going to rehab and getting sober. For the first time in a very long time I had free time on my hands due to the fact that I no longer drank every night! It just so happened that Sushi, being a Labrador, was by nature very high energy and needed to expend that energy. The result was that I took Sushi out every day and tried to tire her out. I threw a tennis ball to her, using a ball-launcher because I throw like a girl, about 1000 times a day.  I took her swimming at one of the many bodies of water nearby, and I walked her incessantly. Sometimes I did all of these things in one day. My goal every day was to tire her out and I did the best I could.

I always say that Sushi saved me, and she really did! I had to muster up enough responsibility to take care of her. She forced me to look beyond myself and to put her needs ahead of my own. That, as a friend recently pointed out, is the definition of love.

                                              Seriously, what's not to love about this face?

'SUP, yo!

A few years ago I started practicing yoga. What happened to me both on and off the mat is best described as a transformation. This transformation actually began a few years prior with events that lead to me beginning my recovery from alcoholism and yoga is the next phase of this journey. Yoga has helped me learn to meditate, live in the present moment, lose weight and stay in shape. I learn acceptance for others as well as myself through yoga. I learn to "let go of the idea of right and wrong" through yoga. Along with the 12 steps, yoga helps me stay spiritually fit and grounded. Well at least it helps me TRY to stay that way.  In fact, I love that its called a yoga practice, because that is exactly what I do- practice yoga. I don't perfect yoga or totally screw-up yoga, I practice it.

I met a group of terrific women in my yoga classes and we formed a nice bond. There is no competition between us; we encourage each other and complement one another when we see fit to do so. It's lovely, actually and reminds me very much of my women friends in my recovery circle. These women emailed last month and asked me to join them doing stand up paddle board (SUP) yoga. WHAT, you ask?? I'm going to stand up on a surf board like thingie in a river, keep my BALANCE, and then try to do yoga!? Are ya crazy, or just plain stupid? 

So, I said yes! Saying yes in and of itself is sort of a miracle because as I previously mentioned, I like to be good at something from the get-go. I intuitively knew I would not be good at this from the start but if I want any kind of growth in my life I have to try, right?

The date for the SUP yoga was approaching and the weather had to be just right. Yesterday we had a real hum-dinger of a storm here and I thought for sure it would be cancelled. I sort of prayed it would be cancelled, actually. No such luck! This morning I woke up to one of the most beautiful days I've seen in awhile. The humidity is low and the sky is bright blue, sunny, with the puffy white clouds, and the temperature about 72. PERFECT weather, really just perfect. I drove over to meet the ladies and was greeted with this view.

Not too shabby, huh?

We got our paddle boards in the water and the instructor began by showing me how to stand up from a kneeling position. I was wobbly, but I did it. Before long, I was doing yoga on this board while slowly drifting around the cove in which we were practicing. We laughed, wobbled, and bumped into one another but we didn't fall off!  Forward bends, downward dog, lunges, and even twists- I did it. A whole sun salutation on the board, done! Savasana laying down on a floating surface was great too. The whole thing was amazing and I surprised myself with what I was able to do. I couldn't help but think that I almost said no to this experience out of fear. Now I can't wait to do it again.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. 
Namaste.

Thank you.

I love the ride from yoga class to my home and tonight was no exception. The sun was sinking in the sky, glowing pinkish-orange, and was absolutely breathtaking. The road is filled with some of the most beautiful scenery I've ever witnessed and it varies depending on the time of year.

As I was driving along, listening to my favorite playlist blaring through the stereo speakers, a wonderful feeling came over me. Surrounded by this beauty of scenery and music I was reminded that I have a truly wonderful life. I have a husband, dog, and family whom I adore and they adore me in return. I have a really fantastic group of friends both in person and online that fill me with such happiness, laughter, and joy that I laugh and smile like a fool throughout the day. I have a job that I really love and work for a couple whom I admire and respect very much. I have house and garden that I enjoy immensely and a new vehicle that is so much fun to drive! I have everything I could possibly need or want right now and there is an unbelievable feeling of peace and love in my heart.

Now, I am not naive enough to believe that this feeling will last forever but I am smart enough to know that when I do feel this way it's important to acknowledge it. This too shall pass! I remember there was a time in my life when I was empty inside and had nothing to give or receive. My good life does not go unnoticed by me and for that I am grateful. 

Or as my good friend, Lisa, would say: I'm grateful as shit.

Tofu

Occasionally I feel like tofu. I don't mean I feel like eating it, I mean I like it and all, but I'm talking more about the concept of tofu. You've heard someone describe tofu by saying, "Oh it really doesn't taste like anything, it takes on the flavor of the dish." That is exactly what happens to me, I tend to take on the flavor of the dish, so to speak.

I'm a happy-go-lucky person, I truly am. I am gregarious, outgoing, love to laugh and have fun, and I think am pretty much what you see is what you get. I am usually upbeat and positive and see the bright side in most situations. I am a glass-is-half-full kind of gal. That being said, I sometimes get all tofu-y and start to take on the flavor of the dish. Husband not really in a good mood? Boss stressed and agitated? Tofu will take some of that on. Friends feeling down? Family in a funk? Good old tofu will have some of that flavor too. This doesn't always happen, thankfully, but when it does I find it disturbing.

Most of the time I can Keep Calm and Carey On. (wink!)  

So what is it?  My time of the month? A bout of insecurity? A pity party? Self-centeredness to the extreme? Full moon? Who knows! All I know is that it kills me a little bit each time it happens and I hate it. BUT, I am getting better at recognizing it and ending it before it goes to far. That's progress, baby.

What's in a name anyway?

I've started this blog in my head a million times and the main thing holding me back is lack of a cute name for the whole thing. Pathetic, right? Nope, that's par for this course. I wanted the title to be catchy and cute! When I start something, anything, whatever it is- I want to be good at it right away. No learning curve here, I want to pick up whatever it is and be good! So good in fact, that people will talk about how good I am and what a natural I am and how I should have done this long ago. I have an obvious ego/ pride issue which I'm sure will be discussed at length on many occasions.

Interestingly, over the past few years I have come to realize that learning to do new things is fun! I have a friend that tries to learn something new every year. She never claims to be an expert at any of these things, just learns then for the sake of learning. I have learned to listen to her and have been trying to do the same thing. I let go of that pride and fear and went back to school a few years ago and earned another degree. The following year I began to practice yoga, which has changed my life. Last year I was definitely going to learn how to sew and even got a sewing machine to prove it! But, alas, 'tis still in the box right now. I will learn how to sew, just not quite yet.

Back to the title of this blog. I have these friends, you see, who are creative and funny and smart and beautiful! And when I posed my dilemma they sprung into action and came up with the beginnings of the name. So I think the most important thing I have learned in the past few years which has been a life saver to me is to ask for help when I need it. Not rocket science, but for a girl like me it may have well been.